It’s been a while. Nothing’s really changed, except for the fact that I’ve been a little bit depressed these days. Okay, maybe not a little–a lot. College results are coming in and it’s hard to have one college smile at you while another slams the word “REJECT” right into your face. This whole angel vs demon battle going on above my head is physically and mentally tiring me out.
I know that being rejected doesn’t mean I’m not good enough. I know that it simply suggests I did not happen to be a good fit for the school that year. But it still hurts. It hurts because I know that I got a chance, and it feels as if I lost it so easily. Maybe I should’ve spent more nights writing my essays. I could’ve went to a cram school to know whether I was really on the right track. Perhaps I could’ve prepared more for the interviews. Who knows, maybe I wasn’t the “perfect” girl everyone expected me to be.
I think the main reason why I’m feeling this depressed is because I feel like I’ve let so many people–and most importantly, myself–down. I used to think I was one of those people who could pursue their dreams if they tried their best, but the results show just how much I was wrong. There are smarter, more talented, and more outstanding people than me in this world–there always will. I feel so foolish for not realizing this earlier, and for believing that I had a chance of being number one.
This is why I’m not jealous of my friends who were accepted to their first-choice schools (at least, not anymore). My friends didn’t get in with a snap of their fingers; they studied, worked hard on their essays, went days without sleep, and did everything they could to pursue their dreams. I didn’t strive hard enough–I can’t blame my friends for getting accepted.
Application results have made me realize how far I still have to go. I don’t think I’m ready to say that being rejected has been the best experience ever, but I do know that I can’t sit here acting like I’m at a funeral. That’s so unlike me.
Put your happy pants on and I’ll see you later,